GLAMOUR’s Women of the Year Awards 2023 Entertainer Honouree, Hannah Waddingham, is an Emmy award-winning actor, singer and occasional television host. Here, the 49-year-old reveals her most important life learnings from the individuals and experiences that have shaped her, inspired her, empowered her and made her the woman she is today. As told to Emily Maddick.
My dad taught me to call out misogyny from a young age
When it comes to dealing with sexism, especially in my industry, I was on the receiving end of it mostly when I was modelling back in my twenties, with some of the nonsense that misogynistic male photographers would throw at me to put me in my place. I called them out straight away – and they would then try to fight their corner, but I never let it go; I always called it out – but back then, it was at a time when people didn’t back you up. But I know that I’ve always given off an air of: “I will literally kill you if you treat me like that!”
I learned this from an early age from my father, Harry, a very traditional, truly English gentleman. He has always told me to speak my mind, even when one of his friends made a slightly inappropriate comment to me when I was 12 years old. I called him out on it, and my dad heard it and he said to his friend, “Well, that’s made you look stupid, hasn’t it?” To his own friend! I could see my dad giving him a steely glare. I thought, “My dad’s got my back.”
I think it’s important that when you see someone behaving badly, you call them out and batter them over the head with it. I had an incident fairly recently where I heard a sound guy on set say something that I didn’t like to someone, so I said, down my microphone in front of everyone, “Do you want to repeat that?” And then I repeated what he had said to the person. He started trying to fluff the situation, so I said, “No, if you are going to be the big man, come and say it on this microphone.”
They marched him out of the place before he’d even started the gig, and the producers bought the person that he’d been rude to a bottle of Champagne with his wages for the night.
My mum gave me the template for hard graft and how to survive in showbusiness
My mother, Melodie Kelly, was a principal at Covent Garden Royal Opera House before I was born, and then moved to the English National Opera for the last 30 years of my life. She has, of course, been a massive influence on me growing up, both on- and off-stage.
I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal for a mum to be on the stage and for my grandparents to have also been on stage (they were both opera singers on the Isle of Man). One of the things I’ve definitely inherited from my mother is passion. She taught me from an early age about unswerving, passionate graft and how they are completely interlocked. Growing up, I didn’t question that she would sometimes do three sessions a day; morning and afternoon rehearsals at West Hampstead studios; then back home to south London; put dinner on the table for my dad, (which as a modern woman I don’t necessarily agree with, but this was the early ’80s!); then she would jump in the car, go back into central London, and do the evening show at the Coliseum. It was amazing that I saw that though, because it gave me a work ethic that I have used on every single job I’ve ever done.
I was bulled as a kid for being tall – now my height empowers me
I was always tall and at school they called me “lanky freak” (children can be absolute assholes!). I was badly bullied because of it by some girls who were two years below me, who also presumed that I came from a wealthy family – which I certainly didn’t – and mocked me endlessly because of it. I never told anyone, even until recently, because I was so embarrassed that it should have even happened.
But now I am very proud that at 5ft 11in, I am taller than most women. I’ve got an old-fashioned hourglass figure that casting directors also didn’t seem to know what to do with. But in my late twenties, early thirties, my agent would constantly call me up and say that they’d already cast the man, and because they wanted the woman to be shorter, I was too tall. You end up almost apologising for your existence. But I got to the point where I just thought, ‘I’m going to go in and do my best, and if it doesn’t work, I will literally have to think about changing careers because I cannot capitulate any longer; I cannot try to be a 5ft 9in version of myself or a more submissive version of myself. They will either want what or who I am or they won’t.’ I was sick and tired of hearing the same script like a broken record.
So, I stopped that narrative and stepped away. I clearly remember that I said to my agent, “I refuse to be in something for a couple of scenes and feel grateful as the 'peripheral tall girl' and be serving someone else’s narrative. It’s all personal choice, but for me, I would rather change my career.” I am not preaching to anyone else if that’s the way they need to go, but for me, to exact a change in my career and the roles available to me, I needed to change, and. And that’s when I saw change in the roles I was offered.
Eastern medicine helped me fall pregnant at 39
I did a medical screening before joining a TV show in 2012, and the general medical came back saying that I had low fertility. So, I went to see a private male doctor, who glibly said, ‘There’s no chance of you getting pregnant. Your egg count is too low’. Which then truly put the bit between my teeth.
I’m a firm believer that we earn money for those times when we need it most. So, I looked to Eastern medicine and found a wonderful practitioner, who did a holistic exam on me and had all my metals and minerals tested. And the Eastern practitioner said, “I think we just need to address your magnesium and copper levels.” I didn’t even know you have copper in your body! Meanwhile, because the Western doctor was trying to fill me with chemicals, but the Eastern practitioner was a very kind, positive man who gave me acupuncture and Reiki, too – and when I visualise him and the treatment, I remember it being a holistic, warm 360 approach. Whereas the Western doctor was very abrupt, jabbed me with injections and told me to take all these chemicals on the first day of my next period, but I never did, because my next period never came… I was pregnant and I took my baby daughter home from the hospital on my 40th birthday.
Being a single, working mum, I won't deny, is hard. But I try to show my daughter every day that she is worth it – and is my greatest achievement
When I was told I couldn’t have children, I realised how precious it is to be blessed with a child. I was lucky and I managed to conceive naturally – children come to people in all different ways – but without a doubt my greatest achievement is bringing my magnificent daughter into the world.
I wanted to have a child when I was ready and to not resent that child for taking me away from my career. I wanted the privilege of motherhood to work in tandem with my career, rather than me thinking, ‘God, you’re stopping me doing things…’ Because the greatest gift in the world is a child and they are complete, beautiful, green innocents. There’s no doubt you definitely have to be ready for it, because it’s right that they should take over, because they need to. But being a single mother in your forties is not easy! I’m not going to lie, it’s quite exhausting. One of the greatest acting jobs in my life is pretending I have energy to my daughter! Honestly, when she says to me, “Oh, let’s do this or let’s do that, mumma,” my whole body goes, ‘Oh my God, really?’
Of course, I never intended to be a single mother, but luckily I’m still on good terms with my daughter’s father, which is important. Our relationship ended when our daughter was around two and a half years old. It felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me, but I had to make the decision not to be weakened by it. I distinctly remember feeling like my daughter and I were on an upturned dustbin lid, like a flying saucer, holding on for dear life – until the waters were calmer! Ironically though, my career has skyrocketed ever since. I do believe that when you painfully shut one door, the sun shines through the cracks of another and you have to go to it. Of course, some days I think that I’m an absolutely rubbish mother because I go out to work strange hours and I can’t always be with my girl, and I do believe women particularly have inherent guilt. But I’m learning to feel pride in my work and that can only be a positive thing to teach my daughter – just as I saw my mother working, my daughter now sees me, and so it continues.
There are moments when I know I’m doing OK. For my birthday, she wrote me a song and one of the lyrics was, ‘I love you more than ice cream, I love you more than cake’. High praise indeed.
Getting rid of toxic male energy helped me and my daughter survive
Without going into too much personal detail, my daughter’s health was compromised a few years ago when, at three years old, she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. I was filming out in Belfast at the time, and received a call that my daughter had been rushed to hospital. It became clear, very quickly, that I couldn’t cope with my daughter's sudden illness and the toxic male dominance in my life at the time. I had to pull her close on that dustbin lid, and say, “Do you know what, my girl? This is it. Just you and me. Just us little chickens.” Once I had reached that conclusion, something definitely shifted in me. I made changes because I didn’t want my daughter to think that it’s OK to be dominated by men – or, indeed, by anyone – and now, living without that element of control is the only way I can conduct myself. Even though the demise of that relationship still hurts, I do believe we are both better off.
When it comes to dating now, I am quite picky. I feel like being a single mother is the greatest contraception on the planet! Yes, I could go out on dates; yes, I could go out here, there and everywhere, but I have a shorter fuse for bullshit now. I know that someone will come along who likes a strong, opinionated woman, and is inspired by it rather than terrified!
Breathwork has helped me maintain my mental health
I would say I’m definitely hitting perimenopause, and I feel like the changes that you feel mentally, hormonally and physically are, quite frankly, a bit of an asshole!
So, a while ago, I went to see somebody who does professional guided breathwork. This has been so miraculous for me when it comes to centering myself. I can get myself back to zero and be whatever I need to be, whether it’s a mummy, or a friend, or a sister, or a daughter, or a colleague. It’s a feeling of all-round contentment and I’ve achieved that through guided breathwork, which I didn’t even know existed before.
I believe in the power of manifestation and asking the universe to kindly deliver
It’s happened too many times for me not to believe in it. I’ve had two examples of seismic shifts in my life where I’ve spoken to the universe for something and it’s happened (one where I asked to work closer to home because of my daughter’s illness, and the second, a request to remove the aforementioned toxic male energy). But you really do have to mean it. It has to be focused and utterly intentional, I believe.
And who knows what it is? Who knows whether it’s “happy-clappy fairies” that exact that change? Or whether it’s something in you that reaches an apogee and says, “This is it. This is the turning point!” It is simply finding clarity and a lack of acceptance for that which you don’t want, and an acceptance of that which you do.
European Design Director: Dennis Lye
European visual director: Amelia Trevette
European beauty director and UK Deputy Editor: Camilla Kay
European editorial director: Deborah Joseph
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Entertainment director and Assistant Editor: Emily Maddick
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Talent Booking: The Talent Group
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