Lori Harvey is the latest woman to be mocked and slated following a breakup – why do we slam women for how they conduct their relationships?

And why aren't men held to the same standard?
lori harvey
Jerritt Clark

It's 2023, and it seems we are still judging women for how they choose to conduct their relationships. Whether women move on too quickly or shirk long-term relationships, everyone, it seems, has something to say about it.

The latest example is the onslaught of hate being thrown at model Lori Harvey, who has parted ways with Damson Idris after a year of dating.

“We are at a point in our lives where our individual paths require our full attention and dedication," Idris told The Hollywood Reporter. "We part ways remaining friends with nothing but love and respect for each other and the time we shared together.”

Lori has been in some other fairly high-profile relationships previously, which apparently gives people the right to comment. She dated Michael B. Jordan for under two years and Future for one year, prompting many to criticise what they see as a pattern.

Tommaso Boddi

“Lori Harvey kicking her bfs to the curb after 365 days and not a second longer,” wrote one person on X (formerly Twitter).

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"Your Free Trial With Lori Harvey has expired,” wrote another. Sigh.

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Another recent celeb story resulted in similar online backlash: that of Sophie Turner, who was spotted kissing UK aristocrat Peregrine Pearson amidst her divorce from Joe Jonas. Photographs of Sophie and Peregrine together in Paris last month were plastered across news outlets with headlines describing Peregrine, 29, as ‘one of the UK’s most eligible bachelors’.

He is heir to the Cowdray estate and 4th Viscount title (no, me neither) and his family are said to be worth £224 million. Peregrine split from King Charles's goddaughter, Princess Maria-Olympia of Greece, in September after three years of dating. Sophie, 27, was in Paris to unveil the Rugby World Cup's trophy ahead of the New Zealand vs South Africa final last Saturday, where she was seen walking a few steps ahead of Peregrine at the Stade de France. Hours earlier, the pair were photographed kissing outside Gare du Norde station, in photos obtained by The Sun, with an eyewitness describing them as “chatting and laughing a lot”.

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Many of the reports have been quick to point out how Sophie seems to be ‘moving on’, that it's ‘just one month since Jonas filed for divorce’ (in which he stated that their marriage was ‘irretrievably broken’), and that the pair have only recently resolved a ‘messy legal dispute’ over custody of their two children: Willa, 3; and Delphine; 15 months.

Online, many have echoed this loaded point of view but in a much more overtly damning manner. “not Sophie Turner already having a new man less than two months after separating from Joe after seven years, while in the middle of a divorce/custody battle,” wrote one X user, while another posted: “Doubt very highly that Sophie Turner's aristocratic boyfriend is a new thing. That girl screams cheater… Nobody does that so soon. While married. With 2 young kids.” Some (seemingly diehard Joe Jonas fans) have gone so far as to call Sophie names, which we won't repeat here.

It comes after Sophie was mum-shamed back in September, when reports claimed she ‘liked to party’ while Joe was reportedly caring for the couple's two daughters ‘pretty much all of the time’; the mere suggestion of a wife not being front and centre on the childcare front apparently too much for people to stomach.

Read More
Can we please stop mum-shaming Sophie Turner amidst her divorce from Joe Jonas?

Does Sophie not have every right to pursue passions outside of motherhood the same way Joe has the right to pursue things unrelated to fatherhood?

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Marc Piasecki
Dave Benett

But this time, it's the thought of Sophie moving on ‘too quickly’ with another man after the breakdown of her relationship, as though she should remain in a period of chastity and mourning until her divorce is finalised and she's legally allowed to exercise her sexual autonomy again – but not too much, mind.

The backlash to Lori and Damson's break up is another example of a sexist bias against women when it comes to how they handle their relationships.

In Sophie's case, it's a sexist ritual we've seen play out repeatedly with rebound relationships: the women are labelled ‘nasty’, ‘crazy’ and ‘sluts’; while the men are painted as desolate wounded souls, innocent victims of the woman's rampant promiscuity. They are the ones flooded with support and actively encouraged to move on. If Joe was the one reportedly moving on post-split, do you think he'd be receiving the same backlash? If history is anything to go by (Miley and Liam, anyone?), I think not.

In fact, men – famous or otherwise – are rarely demonised for moving from one sexual partner to another (to another). The more beautiful women they hook up with, the better. When women do it, we're slut-shamed. We're whores, cheaters, terrible mothers, the reason the relationship broke down. We're the problem. For Sophie and Lori, this isn't just happening in private WhatsApp chats, but across the internet. I can't imagine how invasive and unsettling that must feel.

Let's not forget that though these relationships may have existed in very public domain, we don't know what happened or the reasons why they broke down, and we're not entitled to know, either. It's quite literally none of our business. Neither is who they choose to shack up with afterwards, or how long their next relationship will last.

Isn't it time we moved past the deeply misogynistic slut-shaming and just accept that women can conduct their relationships however they like, without endless judgement from others?