You wake with a start — you were just miles away in dreamland with you know who — again. It leaves you wondering: Why do I keep dreaming about my ex?
Is it just us, or is everyone having the most vivid dreams ever right now? As the seasons change and the weather gets a little warmer, it's common for our sleep patterns to shift — and with these changes often come those pesky, common dreams: falling, losing teeth, and, yes, exes.
What does it mean when they keep popping up in your sleep and err, does it mean you still secretly have feelings for them? We spoke to Elle Mace, a Positive Psychology Coach, to decode what our weirdest dreams *actually* mean…
Time for a little pillow talk.
Why do I keep dreaming about my ex?
Dreaming about your ex can certainly be disconcerting, but the good news is, you’re not alone. Pretty much everyone finds themselves face-to-face with someone from their past (often their romantic past) when they're in dreamland. In fact, dreaming about an ex is the sixth most common dream in the UK.
Scientists still don't fully understand why we dream about certain things and not others. Freud's theory was that dreams were signs of “repressed longing” — in other words, that we dreamt about things we secretly wanted.
As for Carl Jung, he posited that dreams "show us the unvarnished, natural truth, and are therefore fitted, as nothing else is, to give us back an attitude that accords with our basic human nature when our consciousness has strayed too far from its foundations and run into an impasse.” However, he also believed that our dreams weren't always literal. In other words, an ex appearing in a dream might actually be a metaphor that you are missing something else from your past.
“Dreaming about an ex can happen for various reasons,” says Mace. “It could be your subconscious processing unresolved emotions or memories from the past or perhaps a current desire or void you are missing in life.”
Yes, your dreams about your ex are trying to tell you something.
Does dreaming about an ex mean anything?
While you may initially worry that your subconscious is telling you to get back together with your ex, dreaming about an ex doesn't necessarily mean you miss being with them — it might just mean you are dealing with some unresolved emotion from that relationship or even from that period in your life.
“While it doesn't necessarily mean you want to get back together, it might signify areas in your life needing closure, reflection or attention,” Mace says. “The ex can signify love or connection.”
And sometimes, believe it or not, dreaming about an ex can be completely random.
“It might just be that we are recalling a particular moment or memory while we were with that person but it’s not associated to anything else,” she says. “If it’s a one of random dream it’s more likely to not be attached to other emotions but if it repeats itself even two or three times it could mean more.”
They're your mind's way of trying to tell you something.
What should I do if I keep dreaming about an ex?
Be honest with yourself. If you keep dreaming about an ex, do some self-reflection about why this person might be coming up in your subconscious.
“If these dreams are frequent or distressing, it could be helpful to explore those feelings in more detail,” says Mace.
Do you really miss being with them? Or are you still processing unresolved emotions from the relationship or the breakup? Or maybe, you simply miss the feelings of love and connection you got from that person?
“Ultimately," says Mace, "it's about understanding yourself better and finding peace of mind.”
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